Sunday, February 7, 2010

I Can Do This.

I woke up today with a big temazepam hangover and only a vague recollection of the night before. That's not quite as dramatic or heartwrenching as it sounds. Its a little confusing though. My apartment is more or less in order. There isn't a lot to go - except the kitchen and the bathroom. There's a lot of rubbish to be taken out, but I'll get to that. I had some friends come over today to help me get it finished a bit quicker. It really did help. I didn't realize how much I hoarded. The day went pretty well, with no moodswings or difficult moments or anything.

Tomorrow I have my appointment. Its first thing in the morning. I figure that getting the place in order before then isn't a total waste of time because the doctor will help me learn to manage my life. Its the same doctor I've always used, but now he's more aware of what's going on. I've really hit rock bottom in the last couple of months. Enough is enough. Einstein said something like "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". There is good evidence to suggest that Einstein had AD/HD. Change can happen rapidly or over a few years - but it is inevitable. Tomorrow will be interesting.

On how I've been getting the place tidy - I've been breaking it down into the smallest steps and checking in with someone whose been helping me organize the whole job. The trick has been to not think of the whole job - as soon as I do that, the AD/HD goes into full swing. If its just a simple little task, it gets done. It's also important to anticipate the apathy that I tend to feel when I complete a task. You don't do it for the good feeling, you do it because it'll make things easier. So you can form habits around it. I haven't had my appointment yet so I don't know how that works, but I'll find out.

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